By Greg J. Anderson
Welcome to 2012! It may only be another number—another month, but the beginning of the year is a great time to make some fresh starts. Plus, you need to consider the impending apocalypse. So, before the year ends and Tim Tebow uses his connections to bring about the end of days, why not make some quality resolutions?
But HOW do you keep those resolutions? Ahhh, there’s the catch. Resolutions fail for a number of reasons: lack of willpower, unrealistic goals, your favorite sports team ignoring all of the quality advice you yell to them through your TV screen, etc. If you’ve kept a resolution all the way through a year, good on you and shut up.
But fear not, readers! I, Greg J. Anderson, have devised a strategy whereby you can accomplish your goals and feel great about yourself. I call it the “Anderson Method” – but only because “Monroe Doctrine” and “Heimlich Maneuver” were already taken. The Method is simple: Set your goals after you’ve accomplished them! Results are almost 100% guaranteed. Don’t believe me? Consider my year so far:
JANUARY 1st
Goal : Ring in the New Year with some good friends.
Result: BINGO
Goal : Relax in a hot tub outside.
Result: Ka-CHING
Goal : Get out of the hot tub and make a snow angel in your bathing suit.
Result: See for yourself…
Welcome to 2012! It may only be another number—another month, but the beginning of the year is a great time to make some fresh starts. Plus, you need to consider the impending apocalypse. So, before the year ends and Tim Tebow uses his connections to bring about the end of days, why not make some quality resolutions?
But HOW do you keep those resolutions? Ahhh, there’s the catch. Resolutions fail for a number of reasons: lack of willpower, unrealistic goals, your favorite sports team ignoring all of the quality advice you yell to them through your TV screen, etc. If you’ve kept a resolution all the way through a year, good on you and shut up.
But fear not, readers! I, Greg J. Anderson, have devised a strategy whereby you can accomplish your goals and feel great about yourself. I call it the “Anderson Method” – but only because “Monroe Doctrine” and “Heimlich Maneuver” were already taken. The Method is simple: Set your goals after you’ve accomplished them! Results are almost 100% guaranteed. Don’t believe me? Consider my year so far:
JANUARY 1st
Goal : Ring in the New Year with some good friends.
Result: BINGO
Goal : Relax in a hot tub outside.
Result: Ka-CHING
Goal : Get out of the hot tub and make a snow angel in your bathing suit.
Result: See for yourself…
That’s right – I made this amazing piece of art. In fact, it’s so spectacular that I’m convinced angels really wear swim trunks instead of flowing togas.
JANUARY 4th
Goal: Shop for discounted Christmas items at WalMart.
Result: In addition to a new Santa hat, Stetson cologne/aftershave, and a pine-scented candle, I bought a gingerbread house kit. I was a steal at $3.99. I had no intention of constructing it. It was delicious. There is no photo.
JANUARY 6th
Goal: Finish 2011 Christmas shopping.
Result: I spent an hour in Target muttering under my breath…and accomplished my goal! (It’s Twelfth Night, people, and it’s still the holiday season. So stop your judging.) Luckily, I did NOT resolve to have my nephew enjoy his gift. (“Is this for ME? I’ve already seen this.”) I might just mess with his mind and get him a DVD of The Smurfs every year. Take that, punk.
JANUARY 10th
Goal: Finish writing my first blog post.
Result: I’m sort of operating on faith here that I’ll finish this item before I close Microsoft Word.
So now, it’s up to YOU. Accomplish some things and THEN make them resolutions! Of course, you may have to do some prep work if you want to accomplish larger things. For instance, do you want to take an outdoor plunge like I did? Why not join the Rubber Chicken Polar Bear Plunge team? That doesn’t exactly get you in the water, but you can adjust your goal as you go along. Maybe just looking at Lake Superior in February is worth recognition. The point is, manage your expectation according to what you accomplish.
I think it’s safe to say that I’ve accomplished my goal of writing a mediocre blog post. YAY! That deserves a beer…
(Stay Tuned)
JANUARY 4th
Goal: Shop for discounted Christmas items at WalMart.
Result: In addition to a new Santa hat, Stetson cologne/aftershave, and a pine-scented candle, I bought a gingerbread house kit. I was a steal at $3.99. I had no intention of constructing it. It was delicious. There is no photo.
JANUARY 6th
Goal: Finish 2011 Christmas shopping.
Result: I spent an hour in Target muttering under my breath…and accomplished my goal! (It’s Twelfth Night, people, and it’s still the holiday season. So stop your judging.) Luckily, I did NOT resolve to have my nephew enjoy his gift. (“Is this for ME? I’ve already seen this.”) I might just mess with his mind and get him a DVD of The Smurfs every year. Take that, punk.
JANUARY 10th
Goal: Finish writing my first blog post.
Result: I’m sort of operating on faith here that I’ll finish this item before I close Microsoft Word.
So now, it’s up to YOU. Accomplish some things and THEN make them resolutions! Of course, you may have to do some prep work if you want to accomplish larger things. For instance, do you want to take an outdoor plunge like I did? Why not join the Rubber Chicken Polar Bear Plunge team? That doesn’t exactly get you in the water, but you can adjust your goal as you go along. Maybe just looking at Lake Superior in February is worth recognition. The point is, manage your expectation according to what you accomplish.
I think it’s safe to say that I’ve accomplished my goal of writing a mediocre blog post. YAY! That deserves a beer…
(Stay Tuned)
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